Is Trump Too Fat To Be President??
Shocking news made its way around the country yesterday, as David Plouffe and Senator Harry Reid revealed that Donald Drumpf is the heaviest nominee for President since William Howard Taft! Taft, as we know, was known as our portliest President who once got stuck in a White House bathtub*. In light of this recent revelation, serious medical questions have been raised about this 70 year old butterball’s fitness for office:
- Can Donald Drumpf Provide Documents Showing He Has Never Been Stuck in a Bathtub? (Long-form documentation, of course)
- When meeting with foreign dignitaries from countries with delicious cuisines, will Drumpf promise Americans he will make decisions with his mind, and not his stomach?
- Will Colonel Sanders serve as a senior military advisor?
- If Chris Christie is chosen for Drumpf’s cabinet, can we be assured the West Wing conference rooms can withstand their combined mass?
- Can the White House maintain energy efficiency standards in hot summer months, while blasting enough air conditioning to keep his entire body cool?
- Which code name will the Secret Service choose for President Drumpf? “Lard-o?” “Chubbs?” “XXXL?”
As we all know, Mr. Drumpf and his team are VERY concerned about matters of Presidential health, regardless of who wins. Given the Drumpf campaign’s tendencies, I’m sure they’ll answer these questions swiftly and coherently.
*In Taft’s defense, he was also a scholar and future Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Somehow I doubt Drumpf’s parallels will extend that far.