101 Things To Campaign For Before the Metric System

101 Things To Campaign For Before the Metric System


Banning caramel macchiatos, mandatory yoga breaks, and requiring attendance at Newport polo matches are all potential issues equally important to our fine nation and equally as likely to be the next platform plank of Lincoln Chaffee’s noble campaign for president.

Earlier this week, former Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee appeared on national television, in a massive hall with about 7 audience members (hmm), to announce he will be running for president. This is ridiculous enough, however, what was even more ridiculous was one of Chafee’s main priorities: the metric system.


Unfortunately I am not kidding, this public servant is making transitioning the United States to the metric system a core element of his campaign platform. Now, maybe I am an American elitist who believes the rest of the world should change (USA, USA, USA), but even so, did this man forget about the economy? Is police brutality still killing innocent Americans? Is Antarctica still melting? Are our students still ranked below many other developed nations in school? Yes?

Great, so we’re on the same page, we understand any candidate who believes the metric system must be crucial enough to discuss in a presidential announcement  is not to be trusted.

What are your thoughts?

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